This book was not a particularly easy read, in a large part for me due to how it was written. I found the CBC investigative journal program Uncover: Exposing NXIVM to be a much more entertaining dig into Sarah Edmondson's experience and easier to digest. I have yet to read Oxenberg's book on it all, but I am looking forward to eventually doing so. Doubt thou that the stars are fire; Doubt thou that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt that I love. ​— ​WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, HAMLET”

Technically, there are no stars out tonight for me to kiss." I smile as Sara's voice. "Maybe they were waiting for you to arrive.” I keep reading books about cults, because I find them interesting...And I will know for sure how to stay away from them. Yes, the obvious titles are discussed, but the more under-the-radar things are just as interesting. The ‘Zammo on drugs’ storyline on Grange Hill is mentioned – but also the one about racist bullying. This section also reveals that sometimes the things a child can find the most frightening, or disturbing, are those that seem to come unexpectedly into the narrative, such the appearance of the Groke in The Moomins. The truth is, I am yours. Wholly. Inexplicably. Painfully. Unconditionally.” He moves my hand until the dagger presses against his throat. “And if you need to sacrifice my soul so you’re able to live with yours, then do it.” Most of the book is deadly dull as she details every step of her naive journey. The final chapters, as she tries to leave the group after she is branded, are the most interesting. But the fact that it took her agreeing to be branded to finally see the light means that there was something seriously wrong with her beyond the Nexium group. And she had many chances to walk away from it--instead she succumbed to more peer pressure and placed herself on the table.

Sarah Edmondson was in the NXIVM cult for 12 years before she paid attention to all the red flags. For much of the book, she's explaining the teachings of the cult...many that actually make sense and sound like self-help learnings. I wonder if writing the book this way is her way to show HOW she fell for the BS. It wasn't until she was branded in a secret, nude, blind-folded, women-only darkened ceremony that she "woke up" and started working to get out. Ah the 1970s. What a strange decade it was. The beige hangover to the psychedelic 1960s. Or was it? In its own way the 1970s was just as “far out” as it’s predecessor and in Scarred for Life authors Stephen Brotherstone and Dave Lawrence recall what it was like growing up in that decade surrounded by pop culture that seemingly wanted to scare the pants off you at every turn. I also learnt that 'Joe Hawkins' from 'The Oppressed' song 'King of the Skins' was based on a book character and have gone out and bought those from the series in print. Suspect I will either love or hate them...Every day is a school day) I've consumed a lot of media about NXIVM and Sarah's story over the last couple of years and this is probably the best one because it's one of the only ones that's directly from her side of the story. It really goes to show how easily people can become brainwashed, especially when they just want to help the greater good. Prince Tristan Faasa was never destined for the throne. That was always his brother, Michael. The same brother responsible for both Tristan's tormented childhood and the scar that mars his face. When their father dies, Michael is set to assume the throne, and Tristan is set to steal it. The leader of a secret rebellion, Tristan will stop at nothing to end his brother's reign. But when Michael's new betrothed, Lady Sara Beatreaux arrives, Tristan finds himself in the middle of a new kind of war. The kind that begs the question of what's more important, the crown or the woman about to wear it.

What started off as hopeful, inspiring, motivating, and life-changing turned into a dark, dominating and gross abuse of power over people, but more specifically over a smaller group of women and their bodies. I admit it, this stuff fascinates me. I have always wondered how people can become so brainwashed as to join and live in cults for years. I mean, it has obviously all got to do with the original grooming and promises, the promised enlightenment, and the reading of one's weaknesses and the preying upon them. Let's be honest, if you were told upfront what it is all about, you would run a mile. Can you imagine a first-up, honest introduction to Scientology?eh I mean if you read that big New York Times article about NXIVM you probably got all the good details. This I think could have used another pass from the co-writer to make it more accessible to people who weren't in this cult for 12 years, it gets bogged down a lot in the NXIVM language which is like Scientology but different. The toys and games section is an interesting curio since many survived in one form or another into the 80's and the sweets section is quite interesting too. I distinctively remember the candy cigarettes with the red tip to mirror a real cigarette. And yes, us kids did pretend to smoke them, preparing for adult hood. Although I’m reading a lot of stuff about NXIVM, this will probably be the only review I post so I’m including further reading that I am doing in case you want to embark on this little obsession with me. Reading this book was kind of wild for me because a good majority of it took place in the Town of Clifton Park New York where I lived from the ages of 15 to 37 it reference a lot of locations that I know including Knox Woods where I lived for a couple years. This cult was somewhat well known in our town before I do big stories broke on it. I had a colleague who lived across the street from a house they owned and had meetings in. And he ended up doing a lot of research on them and had told me about it. So when the story broke I was not surprised I figured it was only matter of time.