Joy

>THE WRATH OF RASHIED THE MONSTROUS

>LE TETSUO - I UNDERSTAND IF YOU SPEAK SLOWLY

'I understand if you speak slowly' sounds like the million other female fronted indie rock guitar bands that have gone before. A half-assed Magnapop. 'Leaping cod blues' - the title suggests a young life led in the sticks somewhere, don't it. It has imitation Elastica type vocals on it and the same guitar and drum sounds as the previous track, which I didn't like. 'Nickers off ready when I come home' (sic) was as dreadful as I thought it would be. If you're young and and embarking on your sex lives, don't write songs like this. Well done, you're getting your end away. And you make it sound very drab and depressing. Now read some decent arty porno fiction like The Story Of The Eye. And try again. 'One for the preacher' is shit. 'Love transmitter' is equally shit. Good bye Letetsuo. See you bottom of the bill at the Bull and Gate in 1987, for one night only.
www.mummywheresthemilkman.tk

>ARIEL-X - WITH YOU

'With you' is bad Cure or bad that woman who used to be in Hole who sings about boats, or bad A Perfect Circle. Bad. 'Chemical Mind'.... is as the first track. Goth crap about taking acid, I presume. Oohh you punker. Taking drugs, whatever next? Telling your mum to fuck off? Dying your hair purple? 'Waiting for the fall' is nothing like the Fall. Boo. 'Mute' starts ok. And then turns very bad very quick. After about 10 seconds. Includes the lyrics 'starving millions'. Yes, we're dealing in indie rock clichés my frenz. Fuck that. I can't be arsed to listen to the rest of it, cos the rest of it will be worse, unless they're even dimmer than they suggest so far and they've put their best tracks at the end. Nope, just as I pressed eject he sang something like 'here comes your next pop slut creation'... yeah stick it to the man, ariel-x, you're really giving us something to think about, an alternative, a new dawn, a new type of music... or not. Next!
www.ariel-x.com

>BEBEL GILBERTO - AGANJU

Bebel is famous, isn?t she. My dad has her album. So she can FUCK OFF with her bossa nova sound, that she does so well.
www.bebelgilberto.com

>CLOR - LIVE, BRIXTON WINDMILL, 5th NOVEMBER

Yo, Serial Pop were on first, they were ok, the front man at least had an English accent as opposed to a bad put on American one for which he gets points. Boring after a while though. Didn't get Maximo Park, sorry. Why have Warp signed them? Oh, is it because they missed out on Art Brut and Bloc Party and Franz Ferdinand? I guess so. Maximo Park are like all of them, but rubbish. The front man does the art student thing of wearing a suit jacket and staring Rotten like but unconvincingly. Me no like. Clor are last, they are still the fucking dogs bollocks and I really wish they'd release a proper record and their A&R stopped doing the hide them away thing... oh well I guess they will after Xmas and they'll be really big next year and I won't be able to see them at the Windmill anymore. Anyway, everybody - go and see Clor at the earliest opportunity, best thing I saw in 2004, other than Lightning Bolt. And Shellac on Dec 2, even though that's in the future. PS the dj from Eat Your Own Ears was a laptop using tosser who couldn't mix even with fancy mixing software. Doh.
www.clor.co.uk
www.maximopark.co.uk
www.serialpop.com

>JOHN PEEL'S FUNERAL, 12th NOVEMBER

Well, I was there, in the rain, outside St Edmundsbury Cathedral, representing the Joyzine massive, and I shed a collective tear for you all. At the end, when they played the old beginning of the Peel Show theme he used to use (that boogie thing), and then samples of his voice, and then 'You'll never walk alone' as sung by the Liverpool fans in the 80s, and then 'Teenage Kicks', well it was all too much. All the words have been said already, but just to add, without him there would have been no Rashied Garrison.

You have been reading the wrath of Rashied Garrison, good night.